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FOUND IN A CLOSET 



A Flay In One Act 



BY CARLTON VAN VALKENBURG 



Copyright 1916 by Dick & Fitzgerald 




NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 ANN STREET 



FOUND IN A CLOSET. 



CHARACTERS. 

Patricia Van Dike An art student, known as " Pat.'* 

Ethel Bird , A music student, Pat's friend' 

Mrs. Brown The landlady 

William Winner A former lodger, known as " Bill " 

Tims.— The present. Locality.— -Boston. 

Time of Playing. — Twenty minutes. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Patricia. — Wears artist's smock. 

Ethel.— Wears a light dress and hat, carrying parasol, flowers 
and a wicker basket. 
William Winner. — Wears business suit. 
Mrs. Brown. — Wears ordinary house dress. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES. 

A number of letters, red ribbon, watch for Patricia. Parasol, 
quaint, heavy, odd-shaped wicker basket, bunch of flowers for 
Ethel. Tea caddy and tea kettle in trunk, also a long scarf 
wrapped around two cups and saucers, pair of shoes, and a pair 
of corsets in trunk. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, R., 
means right-hand; l., left-hand; c, center of stage; R. c, right 
of center ; d. l., door at left. Up means to^^jd back of stage ; 
down, toward footlights u^l * *y''^_^^ 



p means 

StP I2I|1)%|,D 44867 

•"V^ I TMP96-006789 



FOUND IN A CLOSET. 



SCENE. — Room in a Boston lodging house. Door in rear fiat 
R. C, opening into a closet, and door in rear flat l. c, open- 
ing into hallway. Practical window with shade r. Down 
R. a sofa on which is a large hat box, several sofa pillows and 
some clothing. In front of sofa is a plain round center 
table. In the center and slightly to the rear is a large trunk, 
closed but unlocked. Up l. is an artist's easel with an un- 
Unished picture unframed. Several smaller framed pictures 
lean against the base of the easel. Two chairs loaded down 
and several small packing boxes complete the confusion. 
The room is in disorder. DISCOVERED Patricia, laugh- 
ing loudly, curled up comfortably on the sofa between hat 
box and sofa pillows with letters and a long red ribbon in 
her hands. Other letters lie on the floor and some are in 
her lap. As she controls her laughter a voice is heard in 
the hall and then a knock at d. l. 

Patricia {jumps up quickly, the letters fall on the floor). 
Come in. 

ENTER Ethel d. l., carrying a parasol, a quaint, heavy odd- 
shaped wicker basket, and a bunch of flowers. 

Ethel. Pat. 

Pat. Ah, Ethel, dear, I knew it was you. 
Ethel {dropping basket and parasol on floor, but clutching the 
flowers). Great heavens, Pat.! What on earth have you been 

about ? 

Pat. {embraces Ethel). About crazy with laughter the last 
five minutes. Thank you, dear. {Takes flowers from Ethel 
and lays them on table) 

Ethel. Well, you're crazy enough all right. Here I ex- 
pected to find everything in order, and every picture hung and 
not one thing have you done towards getting settled. {Stands 
looking around in dismay) 

3 



4 Found in a Closet. 

Pat, Yes I have I I've brushed off the top shelf in the closet 
fand that's the cause of it all! (Stoops to pick up letters) 

Ethel (picks up parasol, crosses to closet door, opens it, 
looks in, takes off her hat and hangs it up with her parasol on a 
*hook). Well, I always use my closets to put things into. 
'Mother said I might stay all night so I'll just start this closet 
to work. 

Pat. (looking at her watch, holding it to her ear). Goodness 
sakes alive! It's tea time! I had no idea it was so late. But 
those letters were as absorbing as a sponge. 

Ethel (picks up Patricia's hat and wrap, and a hat box from 
the sofa and puts them all in the closet). Who is this absorbing 
person writing to you? I hope you are not having another one 
of those foolish love affairs of yours. 

Pat. (stops in the midst of pushing the trunk against the wall 
between the closet and d. l.). Love affair, I? (With a toss of 
her head) Well, I should say not! 

Ethel (stops, throws her arm about Patricia). We're both 
agreed on that. (Tosses her head defiantly) The best man on 
earth isn't worth a " once over " as Nell Hicky would say. 
(Looking curiously towards the bay window) Say, Pat., who 
are the good looking men in the window across the street? 

Pat. (turning in that direction). Students, I suppose, — their 
curiosity indicates an interest in the study of 

Ethel. Audacity, I should say! That tall good looking one 
is using a pair of opera glasses. 

Pat. (indignantly crosses to the window and pulls down the 
^hade). I'll have sash curtains up here to-morrow. Men are 
the limit Even the writer of those letters was no exception. 

Ethel. If you say another word about those letters you will 
have my curiosity aroused, but first, where is your tea kettle? 
i'll start the water boiling. (Looks around) 

Pat. Let me see — it's in that box — no, it's in this trunk. 
]{Opens trunk, taking out long silk scarf wrapped around two 
cups and saucers, a pair of shoes, a pair of corsets and then the 
iea caddy and kettle. The shoes and corsets are dropped on the 
floor in full view of the audience. Ethel puts tea caddy and 
kettle on the table) Oh goodness, I forgot to get some cake! 

Ethel. Mother sent over a nest egg for your larder. (Picks 
up basket and hands it to Patricia) Here are some beans, a 
glass of jelly, some cake and cookies, and a few of those de- 
licious doughnuts that Mary makes. And I stopped for a jar of 
cream. 

Pat. (embraces her). Your mother is a darling and you are 



Found in a Closet. 5 

a second edition. (Patricia peeks into basket and sets it "down 
by table) 

Ethel. Now let's sit down and wait for the kettle. I know 
you are already bubbling over to tell me about those letters. 
iWho wrote them? 

Pat. I really don't know. 

Ethel. Don't know? Then why are you reading them? Let 
me see them. 

Pat. Oh, you'd read the last one first and spoil the whole ro- 
mance. 

Ethel. Romance? 

Pat. Yes, they are letters from a girl to her fiance and his 
answers. 

Ethel. And no names signed? 

Pat. She signs hers, " Devotedly yours, Firefly," and he 
signs his, " Yours wholly. Bill ". 

Ethel. "Wholly, Bill?" (Ethel shows some sign of being 
shocked) 

Pat. Yes! What's the matter? 

Ethel. Nothing — only that reminded me that mother told 
me to stop and get the butcher's bill. (Ethel sits back in the 
.pillows) 

Pat. The girl is evidently a Bostonian and he a Southerner 
at Harvard. (Patricia arranges the letters) They meet at a 

musical and swish in no time he is writing of the passion of 

impatience that nearly consumes him during the interim of a 
few days. He is fast and furious as Southerners are and fre- 
quently chides her for not being demonstrative enough. They 
become engaged, she goes to Washington for a month, and 
while there he writes a proposal of marriage to another girl in 
Boston, one he had never seen, and in his most florid style de- 
clares he has watched the flicker of her light from the hedge in- 
numerable successive nights; has waited hours upon the corner, 
that he might breathe that heavenly perfume of her presence 
as she passed him by, and what a thrill of rapture possessed him 
as a ribbon of her fluttering gown touched but the sleeve of his 
coat. Unluckily for him the girls were friends and " post-haste " 
the proposal was forwarded to the fiancee at Washington with 
some delicious comments as to his sanity and perfidy. The 
result was that his fiancee immediately returned to Boston, 
packed up all the letters he had written to her, together 
with his proposal to her friend, sending them to him with 
the demand that he never let her see his face again. He called, 
and was refused admission. His letters to her and to her 
friend were also refused. He rushed south to enlist the aid 



6 Found in a Closet. 

of his mother and upon their arrival in Boston the fiancee's' 
house was found to be closed and his fiancee in Europe. If the 
poor little fool had only read his explanation she would have 
saved herself a heart break. 

Ethel. His explanation, what was it? 

Pat. I'm getting to that. He was proposed for membership 
to a fraternity, and the stunt they compelled him to do, was to 
write a proposal of marriage to a girl he had never met. 

Ethel. Boo-hoo, oh-boo-hoo — Gimme those letters — (Kiss- 
ing letters and crying) Oh, Bill, I've been a horrid little fool. 

Pat. What in the world's the matter, Ethel, are you ill? 

Ethel. Matter enough. Those letters are Will Winner's and 
mine. 

Pat. Will Winner! (Astonished) 

Ethel. Where is he ? oh — he used to sit on this couch, oh^=— ^ 

Pat. Hush, Ethel — I'll find out where he has gone. 

Ethel. I'll bet he's one of those horrid boys across the way. 
Got any opera glasses, Pat.? (Crosses to window, runs up 
shade, looks across while Patricia crosses to d. l., opening door 
quickly, Mrs. Brown, who has been listening at the door, tum- 
bles in on the floor) 

Pat. (indignantly). Mrs. Brown, what have you to say for 
yourself ? 

Mrs. Brown (picking herself up and folding her hands across 
her stomach in an embarrassed way) Jest this much, Mumm. 
That yew can go on stayen here if yew want to. I think yer a 
very decent young woman, an' them's the only kind I likes to 
let my rooms to. 

Pat. Where did Mr. Winner go when he moved out of this 
room? 

Mrs. Brown. He's tuk a bigger wun down-stairs. (Ethel 
hoo-hoos) 

Pat. Is he in? (A man's voice is heard singing in the hall) 

William (off stage, singing). 

My landlady's Mrs. Brown 
She's the greatest saint in town 
As particular as particular can be. 
Oh, it's only by her nose 
I know where my whisky goes 
For she tipples on the strict Q. T. 

Mrs. Brown. ) t-u i.» u- 

■p > That s his voice. 

Pat. Tell him that the new lodger wishes to speak to him. 



Found in a Closet. 7j 

[(Mrs. Brown EXITS, Patricia picks up the letters, quickly 
running the red ribbon around them, forcing them into Ethel's 
hands, pushes her gently but quickly into the closet, closing the 
door. Knock is heard) Come in! (ENTER William d. c.) 
Oh, Mr. Winner, I believe? 

Will. That's my name. You sent for me, did you? 

Pat. Yes. I believe you left a package of letters on the shelf 
of that closet. 

Will. I did? 

Pat. Please see if there is anything else there belonging to 
you. (William opens the door and Ethel falls into his arms, 
sobbing) 

Ethel. Oh, Bill. 

Will. Ethel! 

Pat. Well, — she is settled, if I am not! 

CURTAIN. 



FARCES 



TANGLES 

Farce in One Act. Four Males, Two Females 
By C. Leona Dalrymple 
One interior scene. Bill Tracy accepts Mrs. Janeway's Invitation to 
Sinner, intended for his cousin, Phil. Tracy, who is Jack Janeway'8 
chum. Elsie, her maid, advertised for a husband under the soubriquet 
of " Bright Eyes." Jenkins, Bill's valet, answers it as X. Y. Z. The 
mistakes in identity get them into a tangle of surprises, finally un- 
raveled by Jack, who arrives opportunely. The " situations " are 
tremendously funny and keep the audience in roars of laughter. 
Plays forty-five minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

^^ A NIGHT IN TAPPAN 

Farce in One Act. Two Males, Three Females 
By O. B. Dubois 
One Interior scene. The action commences at 10 : 45 P. M., on th* 
arrival of Mr. and Sirs. John Betts, quite unexpectedly, at the bomb 
of Mr. Augustus Betts, while Mrs. Augustus Betts is awaiting her 
husband's return from the city. The complications caused by a saucy, 
blundering, Irish servant, Mr. Augustus being entirely Ignorant of 
the new arrivals, are screamingly bewildering. Plays about thirty 
minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

KISSING THE WBONG GIBL 

Farce in One Act. One Male, Two Females 
By W. C. Paekek 
No scenery needed. It is the case of a " cheeky " book-agent, two 
Bisters who look much alike, all sorts of funny mistakes, and any 
number of ridiculous situations, that will keep the audience in a con- 
tinuous roar of laughter. The piece can be played either " straight " 
or with specialties. Plays about thirty minutes. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

THE NEW BEPORTER 

Farce in One Act. Six Males, Two Females 
By Franklin Johnston 

One Interior scene. Hobbs, the proprietor of a newspaper, is 
expecting a new reporter, whom he has engaged on trial. Nancy, 
Hobbs' daughter, persuades her lover. Jack, who is unknown to her 
father, to personify the new reporter, and gets to work. The blunders 
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general flare-up, until explanations are made, and Tupper is per- 
suaded by Nancy to retire in favor of Jack. Plays forty-five minutes, 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

MA'S NEW BOABDEBS 

Farce in One Act. Four Males, Four Females 
By W. C. Parker 

No scenery required. Mrs. Holdtight leaves her boarding-house In 
her daughter's charge. Prof. Alto-Gether calls a rehearsal of thfc 
village choir, but gives them the wrong address. The choir turns ur 
at Mrs. H.'s, and are mistaken for new boarders. Then follows » 
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Can be played " straight " or with specialties. Excellent chance for 
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